ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
