You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
