Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
