You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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