I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
