We won't sleep together?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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