Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize