Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize