why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
