I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
