my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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