I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize