Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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