I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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