There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
