It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
