Ambien. No doubt about it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
