I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
