Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
