I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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