He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
