He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize