Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You are the jesus of drinking
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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