her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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