u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
