I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
