I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The air was thick with penises
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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