Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
