I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I touched a dick in church today
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
