Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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