Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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