My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
