Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
