defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
