1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
