I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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