I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
