There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
