just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
