I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
