Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
