who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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