Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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