handjob tips. give me some.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
