Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
