apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize