Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
