he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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