There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
