Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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