that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
