They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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