she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
