So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
