if you like me you must not know who I am
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
