is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
