I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
