i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
