Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
