Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
