let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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