My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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