well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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