i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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