He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
