this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
