So drunk its hurt
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Less talking, more tequila
So squirting runs in the family.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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