i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
