my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
