u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize