he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
