just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm at about main and main street
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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