Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
