We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
