watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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