wakey wakey hands off snakey
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
